A Journal of Discovery and Transition
by
Travels With Myself is an account of one man's journey through loss and transition – grief, despair and frantic mania, finally to getting on with life. Doug lets us know that he considered the questions of Purpose throughout his life, but they didn't take on real meaning until he was forced to deal with the death of his life-long companion, and then the loss of his new love to her life choices; then, hair on fire, traveling half way around the world to find himself. Intertwined with Doug's Odyssey we also follow Doug in his journey to find a new professional identity.
I have often wondered at the difference there might be between the loss of a lover through death, and the loss of a lover through severing. Is one more awful than the other? Of course the answer will vary with every person and every particular experience. And in all cases, the classic aphorism is probably correct – time is the great healer, and so another variable in gauging grief. Marlene and I had found an equilibrium in our marriage, finely balancing the good and the bad, the joys and the disappointments. And then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We had three years to live with this, and to grieve. When she died, much of my grieving had already been done.
READ MOREWith Emily, the bonds of love were fragile, and still in the throes of mystery and excitement. And unresolved and even unidentified issues. But Emily was living a parallel life, postponing hard decisions by living a lie. When I forced the issue, she struggled and then finally made the decision to end it with me. And with that decision stopped any further contact. I have never stopped grieving the loss of her, even though time has dulled the pain of rejection and unrealized potential.
I have come to this conclusion: sudden separation, and no contact whatsoever, is worse than the death of your spouse. Your spouse has died. There is nothing that can be done about that. But your lost lover is still alive somewhere, and that thought makes the ending not final. Acceptance is hard; the yearning continues, but disappointment is a poor prophet.
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