A true story of post-traumatic growth
by
Also available in French.
Danser avec les Nuages - Une histoire vraie de croissance post-traumatique.
"Is it possible for trauma to lead to personal growth?” As a civilian employee, Olive Mazerolle gave thirty-five years of her life to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. At the end of her career, after experiencing both personal and professional traumas, she found herself diagnosed with moderate-to-severe PTSD. Through years of seeking the psychological help she needed, she finally understood that her traumas had led her to Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). For Olive, PTG was transformative and brought renewed growth after adversity. She turned towards altruism, opened up to new experiences, became spiritually mature and embraced gratitude for the life she now lives, saying, “Without these challenges, I may not be the person I am proud to be today.” Healing from immense grief and guilt led her to accept that life’s adversities are indeed life lessons. Her cancer diagnosis led to a healthier lifestyle. Addressing sexual harassment in the workplace brought validation and restored her confidence. Most importantly, she recognized that anxiety can be controlled by a shift to positive thinking. This beautifully written, heartfelt memoir of survival, grace and evolution will deepen your appreciation for life.
CHAPTER 39 (excerpt from the last chapter in the book)
Present Day
Dear Past Life,
You tried to defeat me. You probably thought that I would fail. And yes, you did bankrupt me mentally, but take a good look at me now.
General George Patton said Success is how high you bounce back after you hit bottom. I am proud to tell you, dear Past Life, that I am bouncing off the walls. I was successful in overcoming my grief and am now living well. How about that?
But before I close the door on you for good, I want to say this…
READ MORETo two beautiful angels, you can rest easy now. For the past 35 years, you sat heavily on my shoulders as that’s where I wanted you to be. In the meantime, I have done everything possible to acknowledge the grief, yet forgive myself. After countless hours of therapy to analyze and dissect my anguish, I can let myself feel happy again. Finally, I will take you from sitting on my shoulders and move you to my heart where love lives. I imagine you as two beautifully feathered cherubs softly brushing my heart with your wings so that I can move forward without ever forgetting you. Please continue to brush my soul with self-love. I forgive myself but will never forget you.
Cancer! Oh, dear cancer! You certainly put me through the wringer. You walked away with a part of my body and we battled each other for six months, but I wasn’t giving up. You were determined to take me, but look at me now! With Bea securely attached, I championed that challenge. I have taken my power back! Thanking you might sound strange as you planted so much fear in my every thought, but you also taught me to take better care of myself. So again, thank you for teaching me to listen to my body when it tells me that I am good to go at full force or to slow down when I want to do too much. I forgive you.
To the men who harassed me, for a time, you ridiculed and minimized my existence. You tried to take my resilience, my self-confidence, my self-respect, but you failed. Miserably. Today, I feel validated for how I handled the situation as best I could with what was available to me at that time. Right or wrong, I did it my way. Today, I hold my head high and yell to the high heavens: "You did not crush me!" I negate you.
PTSD, well, you are here to stay! I see you as both continually distressing and invaluable. You often show me that you are still there, but you no longer stay for days, weeks, and months as you once did. Thanks to my accumulated Mental Health Toolbox, you come until I recognize you, and then I make you disappear. I’ve accepted that we will play this game for the rest of my life, so I will treat you as a friend. A friend who reminds me to stop to breathe in love and exhale peace. I accept you.
PTG, discovering you was the magic pill I needed. When I realized that after thirty-six years of working towards better mental health, I had achieved all five of Tedeschi and Calhoun’s Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory, I knew all my efforts had been worth it. I appreciate you.
So farewell, Past Life! You were instrumental to the person I am today, but now you can slip away knowing that I do not agonize over you anymore.
Writing my book, telling my story in my own words, was the best therapy money couldn’t buy. What a tremendous gift.
So now, dear Present and Future Life, let’s get on with it. I’ve got people to see, places to go, and things to do. We’ve got this!
Olive
COLLAPSEMargaret Cameron on Goodreads wrote:"The main focus of this story is Olive who worked as a civilian at the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for decades. Throughout her time there and even before she was an adult, she had already experienced tragedies and personal loss; and the trauma from those events followed her for years. She enters the male-dominated para-military government workforce as a 20-year-old hired in her first job. Not the most supportive or tolerant group of people to be surrounded by and she had the additional stress of working shifts, holidays, and weekends, many times without adequate sleep and care. Throughout Olive's tenure at RCMP, she experienced many times the horrific aftermath of criminal behavior against another human being. On top of the past events and the current work experiences, Olive now wrestles with her physical and mental health, eventually also having to experience debilitating chemotherapy. Olive worked hard to find peace and growth throughout her experiences and is hopeful that she also has provided a template of sorts that others with trauma could follow. Olive Mazerolle's life experiences changed her and changed her for the better. This memoir is of a strong, resilient fighter who finds growth and gratitude because of her darkest moments. She sees open doors when other doors have closed. Her writing style is descriptive and also very personal. The book brings insight into those life experiences that can stack on top of each other and later in life, weigh you down. Mazerolle has carefully described the physical and mental effects of trauma and stress she experienced. I found her writing poignant and she showed a high level of perception even through her darkest moments. Understanding that many would not be interested or able to read about Olive's experiences, Olive told her story well and has provided a way forward for many who have suffered trauma. I have rated this book a 3/5."
"A woman who has been a bride’s maid 9 times and has 6 godchildren is clearly loved and admired by many and is someone people feel good being around. Reading this book is like sitting across from Olive at her kitchen table drinking tea and listening to her stories. Her writing is simple and honest, but man did she live through some tough times! I gave myself the permission to read Dancing with the Clouds slowly, allowing time to pause and reflect on the actions, reactions and natural impulses of the various actors in each chapter. Despite the sadness and the pain Olive has had to endure (so much more than anyone’s share), there is sweetness and love sprinkled generously throughout this amazing journey. The wisdom and kindness shown by so many of those who surrounded her opened my eyes to the good in people. And strength? Despite a sometimes crippling self-doubt, the steadfast strength Olive shows in moving forward through each trauma is inspirational. Olive Mazerolle wants us to hear her loud and clear when she says, “Seeking help is the bravest thing I have ever done and it saved my life”. This is an incredibly brave woman who, using her trusty Mental Health Toolbox, has found her own path to a healthy, loving life."
